Anyone else out there a dreamer?
I have so many big plans, and I’ve always been very conscious of making my life a good story. I’m “closing in on 30”, as my dad puts it. But, I have a countless number of goals. My head is always spinning with ideas – a centrifuge with no output.
When I grow up, I want to make a difference.
I want to be an adventurer.
I want to be an artist.
I want to be an author.
Six years ago, I could act on my dreams – on the plans that God had for me then. I’ve travelled. I wrote a little book. But now, everything is a blur because I have an invisible illness. My mind is a cloud, and I’m endlessly searching through that cloud for some release from brain fog so that I can get on with my life. I wake up each morning wanting to be normal again. Some days when I feel better, I find hope. I feel like I might be normal again. So I start dreaming.
I dream of keeping a meaningful blog going.
I desire to be an important part of our church.
I dream of being a speaker at a women’s retreat. At a youth camp.
I hope to open a women’s center. Soon.
I dream of running a café.
I yearn for the opportunity to teach underprivileged students.
I dream of being healthy enough to go hiking whenever my husband wants.
I dream a lot of things. And some aspects of what I dream get done. But, I need more help than I can say to do them. I need encouragement. I need grace from friends, family, and church members. And I feel ineffably thankful when I receive any affirmation at all. It keeps me going.
I want to be more than a dreamer.
I want to be an active character in my own life story.