There was a time in my life when I was single. Twenty-three years to be exact. During the last part of that time, I was very happy with my singleness.
So if you had told me at the beginning of 2011 that I would soon meet a man that was right for me – that I’d want to spend the rest of my life with – then I not only wouldn’t have believed you, but I probably wouldn’t have cared. I may have even resisted the idea. At twenty-three years old, I was not interested in spending the rest of my life with someone else. I was confident in myself, which for most any woman, is fairly rare. I knew who I was and I was content with that.
I remember being eleven years ago and falling in love so fast and furious that I’m sure I might have fallen right off a cliff. I remember feeling like I was going to die if I didn’t have someone to love me. And that someone had to be Jonathan Taylor Thomas.
And when I was thirteen, I remember praying so hard for God to give me a husband that wanted to serve Jesus just as much as I did. I even wrote to the teen girl magazine Brio, asking them if they thought it was possible to marry someone that God had given the same dreams and visions to. A man who wanted to be a missionary. A man who was okay living in poverty as long as it meant helping people. I still have the letter they wrote back.
Pretty intense for a little girl, but I’m serious.
As a high school teacher, I saw girls obsess over teenage boys all the time. It’s a thing. More often than not, they find their identity in their crush – in what he thinks of her rather than what is really true about her. Their worth gets wrapped up in him.
And it’s not just teenagers that this happens to.
Whether we like it or not, as human beings, we are wired to want to be with another person. We want to be loved and respected by someone else. And more that than, we want to be a part of something bigger than ourselves. We want to be with people. We want deep relationships. It’s that desire that makes the church and church community such a beautiful thing.
Being single, singleness, goes against that desire in a way.
Even though I’m married and very happy about that, I have this weird desire to support singleness, and all the single ladies. This particular desire has made it’s way onto A Little Sanctuary’s blog calendar. It’s been penned in – not penciled – for the last week of January 2017 since August 2016.
Penciled in, I have some posts on marriage planned for February, the month of love. But, we’ll just see how far singleness gets us, shall we?
So, to all the single ladies:
Find out who you are because you are a fascinating individual.
Pay attention to the dreams that pop up inside of you – the real ones, not the distractors.
Foster and feed who you are and those hopes and dreams.
Because when you are single, who you are is important. And those dreams and those goals are important.
Don’t be sad about being single. Don’t dwell on it. Proclaim it and cherish it. Go on adventures and be the person that loves who they are rather than whether or not someone else loves them.
I’m married and I love my husband more than I ever thought I could love anyone. Whether or not I had met him, and whether or not I had married him, that time when I knew myself and loved myself (without having someone else confirm that I am loveable) has carried me through and made me stronger. It has made my relationship with Mark stronger. It has made me relationships with my friends and family stronger. It has made my relationship with God deeper.
To all the single ladies.
Oh, oh oh.
Oh, oh oh.
Who cares if you get a ring on it?
And by “it”, I mean ring finger.